i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
