The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
