I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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