lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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