i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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