Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
