Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
