we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize