yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
