Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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