my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
