just come out here and I will go home with you...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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