Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
