My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
