me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
