birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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