So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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