My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
