I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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