You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
