My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
