i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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