Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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