did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
only you would photoshop your dick
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
