I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
