I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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