I love black thongs
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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