I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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