so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
