operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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