well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
