I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
