At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude i'm inner monologue high
so let's talk penis.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
