so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
