How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
