every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
