idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
