I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
