It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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