dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
