Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
