i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
