and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize