Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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