its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
