I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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