She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
