I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
