I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
