If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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