JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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