Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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