we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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