Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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