I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
