In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
