Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
