3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
