How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
