I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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