Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize