I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
