Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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