The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize