Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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