i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
