onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
