So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
