Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
