I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize