i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Found the puke drawer
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
