Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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