Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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