i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
