The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
