Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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