but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
