The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
