so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize