I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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