I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
