i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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