Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
