I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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