Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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